Moving On

Future caretakers of a Kona coffee farm

My husband and I are moving out of the house we have lived in since 1988 and a community we have been apart of since 1974. When we moved into our house in Anchorage, Alaska in 1988, it was new.
 
We filled our Belmont Drive home up with combined treasures from my husband David’s family such as his Dad’s dresser, his Mother’s 100 year old, 100 pound Wheary trunk, the 30” X 26” framed photo of his Grandmother, and the collage of memories passed down to him from his Great Grandfather David Stanway which includes his civil war diary. My contribution included the table and chairs from my first apartment, the bookcase my father made, and the fold down desk that was my Mother’s. I also inherited the family Chinese intricately carved chest and other dressers, lamps and chairs.

In my younger days, as most of my women high school friends, I received a Waterford Colleen crystal glass and/or a place setting of Gorham Melrose sterling silver flatware for gifts at birthdays or holidays. Neither of our children is interested in someday owning these precious things. I packed up the best and decided we will use these as our everyday settings in whatever home we finally move. No one wants the 30 year old fur coats, which once were a financial investment as well as useful outerwear in Alaska.

Then there are the many hand embroidered, cross-stitched or needlepoint pictures, pillows and hangings lovingly completed by Mother or me to keep or not. Ribbons won for handmade items at the Alaska State Fair, my plaque with a picture of the Babycase commemorating my patent and trademark decisions to make. The walls hold watercolors from trips to various parts of the world and the United States, triggering memories of these adventures. David’s office art and awards are now in boxes in our crawl space. How much can you put on a small office wall shared by two?

The family photos are the most daunting and treasured. It is difficult to decide how and where to store them the rest of our lives. They chronicle our lives before children to today. Most are electronically saved in the last few years, but 30 years or more of photos and slides remain in books and boxes. We both remember David’s Mother in her last year or two of life looking through her worn photos from a shoe box by the side of her chair. Will we want to look back, savoring a rich life, choosing a shoebox of photos to trigger the memories? Which ones to choose, which ones to give to our two boys, which ones will last as our legacy?

We each have a large box of documents, letters, photos and genealogy documents from parents and Grandparents and even Great grand parents to sort through at some point to arrange the genealogy project started many years ago by my Mother. Fortunately that is mostly now on the computer. Most of the photos have been scanned and identified. Two Case family reunions have been held to document family memories and share photos. Of course this also increased the volume of the boxes.

David has the Case family Bible, the civil war diaries, and photos and newspaper articles from the early 1900’s. We each had relatives in that era who were notable enough to be in history books. I have my Mother’s baby book, wedding album, Grandmother’s DAR documentation and all the letters filling three shoe boxes that I wrote to my parents when I lived for two years in Bern, Switzerland in 1969 – 1970.

Most of the furniture I can emotionally leave behind. All the kitchen items, all the papers in the file drawers I have scanned and thrown away – even my Babycase documents and the information for when our home was on the Anchorage Garden Club garden tour. Medical records - Tax returns – newspaper articles written about David, Dorothy, and Aaron and his band – all scanned and disposed of. Our whole CD collection copied to ITunes. Recipe books are sold or given away. Fortunately I was able to record all my Grandmother’s recipes and Mother’s recipes and made them into books. Today any recipe you want can be found online.

I still don’t know what to do with the copy of “The Feminine Mystique” autographed by Betty Friedan when she came to Anchorage in 1976. The two books “Shoulder to Shoulder “and “The Spirit of Houston” which chronicle the historic National Women’s Conference held in Houston, Texas in 1977 are meaningful but dated. I was fortunate enough to be an observer at this conference. I was awed at the number of notable women such as Margaret Mead, Lady Bird Johnson, Betty Ford, First Lady Roslynn Carter , Barbara Jordan, Patsy Mink, Esther Wunnicke, Billie Jean King, Bella Abzug, a young Maya Angelou, Gloria Steinem, as well as Susan B. Anthony, among others. This conference adopted a National Plan of Action for women’s rights and a plan for getting the constitutional Women’s rights amendment passed. Phyllis Schlafley held her own opposing conference at the same time. As we know, the amendment didn’t pass. But this was the beginning of an explosion of women’s rights that women just 5 to 10 years younger than I take for granted.

Betty Cole



George B Cole



Then there is David’s Aunt Betty’s self published novel “Falling, I Find Wings” about four young women whose lives intertwine. She told us these women are all from her own life, at one stage or another. She also wrote “Waiting for Climbers” a book of poems. David’s Uncle George B. Cole’s book is called: “A Frontier Boy and Other Wild Animals”, which is his autobiography, described as “…an authentic taste of the westward movement during the close of the nineteenth century …an intimate glimpse of the Kansas frontier through the eyes of one who was there.” He came to our wedding when over 90 years old. I remember him as quite a sage.



Making decisions about what to do with these precious things filled with memories, nostalgia, and history, are the most difficult. Giving the memories to our children, who want to start lives of their own, is difficult. Andy seems to be the one who most wants to hang on to tradition and nostalgia, as is my brother Larry and myself. But you can only take on so much before being overwhelmed. Consider that now we have collections of historical items for our children’s Great-great grandparents down to their own parents. Then there are their very own special items which they have had to pare down as they move to live on their own.

 

In contemplating this whole concept of moving on, I have had many thoughts and feelings. I remember my feelings when I packed all my few belongings in the Fall of 1971 into my VW camper and drove West seeking a new life where the possibilities were endless. I called that a turning point. David and I made another adventurous change when we moved our young family to Fairbanks for two years in 1982, while he taught and wrote the book “Alaska Natives and American Laws”.

Now is another turning point but with a more specific destination for the moment, as caretakers of a Kona coffee farm. An interlude in paradise to contemplate more seriously the next steps, leaving open the possibility of returning to Alaska.

Personally, I am mentally ready to make a turn. For 35 years I have lived a life determined by my generation. Actually, David and I are in-between two generations. We are not officially Baby-boomers. But we do not identify with the generation of our parents or even David’s 10 year older brother. Caught in the middle, we feel comfortable in both worlds, yet searching for our own identity. Parents at 35 and 39, we were unintentionally like many of our children’s generation who delay having children in order to pursue higher graduate education and needing financial support from parents for a longer period of time.

Financially we are fortunate to have my defined benefit pension and excellent supplemental health insurance, unlike many just a few years younger. Our children however will likely not have any retirement other than the money they save themselves if they are disciplined. And they are burdened with unbelievable educational debt that we did not have.

Realizing that we will soon be living on the accumulated wealth in the bank right now, with no more salary or income other than from our investments, is frightening. This is especially true after having lived through the recession of the last three years which reduced our net worth by 25% (which was much better than most who lost 40% or more). Can we withstand such a hit again? What will happen to the cost of living during the 20 to 30 more years we will be living in retirement? What will fate bring to the US and world economy, unforeseen and uncontrollable? What medical or physical challenges will we face as we already experience age related weaknesses in our bodies?

David has had influence on students and Alaska Native Law in general. Will he adjust to living where no one knows him as “David Case”? Can he find self satisfaction pursuing other interests? I have pursued many avenues of interest. Can I find even more areas to explore and learn? Can we contribute in some way to our new community? Will we be able to make new friendships?

I am the practical one, the one who worries about these things. David is the conservative financial son who learned from his Father what it was like to lose his fortune. Can we find a comfortable, engaging, meaningful life? Will we hold onto the past? Will we create something new? Will we find a way to meld the two?

I have been looking forward for 32 years to rekindle the relationship with my husband that we had before kids defined our lives. I am looking forward to the relationship with our children’s’ families, their growth and development, as well as their career experiences. One thing that has happened as a result of not having grandchildren yet, is a closer relationship with our adult sons. Grandma Case’s saying: “A daughter’s a daughter all your life, a son’s a son till he takes a wife” isn’t true for us, I don’t believe. That is because of them boomeranging home at various times in their adult life, which has made our lives richer getting to know them as adults.

We have already begun the inevitable going away parties, luncheons, and small get togethers with friends.

Here you are.  I take your photo with a camera in my mind.  I give you a big hug.  But will we even keep in touch via Facebook?  How much time and energy can we each give to continuing a friendship long distance?  Will we be reduced to once a year holiday newsletters?  Will you really come visit?

Caretakers of a coffee farm in Kona, HI. It sounds exotic. It sounds like an idyllic life. What will we make of “moving on”?